


debris

by Lvmine



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Gen, anime-based but is an entirely different timeline, kaworu is there in spirit, sort of a what-if scenario
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-05 18:21:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20493209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lvmine/pseuds/Lvmine
Summary: shooting stars will never landlest a piece of themfalls into your hand.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> anybody remember that angel gijinka merch line? basically i got super indulgent n wrote a thing chsnfnf
> 
> this takes info from the anime-verse but is a separate continuity completely (w some rebuild influence) so i most likely have some weird lore mixed up fhdjfn

_ “I think I may have been born just to meet you.” _

Iridescent red waves lapped at the sandy ridges of the beach, completely surrounding a headless statue of a winged being at the center of the lake. They lazily approached and receded, seemingly taunting the boy enshrouded in his knees on the sand.

The sky was completely dark, emanating a dull red glow thanks to the shimmering sea of crimson below—stars twinkled in the far distance, and he was completely alone.

_ “I love you.”  _

With a snap of his head, the boy tore his gaze from his knees and centered it onto the pale, glowing apparition that had suddenly emerged from the red ocean—a ghostly conglomerate of flesh with shining irises that stared at him as if he were prey. Two translucent hands rose up from the water, outstretched to the boy in the sand.

The boy instinctively rose, his limbs hanging loosely from his sides as he staggered forward into the crimson sea and into those inviting arms, numbly acknowledging the warm blood caressing his forehead. It dripped down onto his head and trickled down his neck and chest, but it wasn’t until he heard a splash and felt the water ripple around him that his eyes finally blinked.

He screamed, and the stars wept. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The once cold bed was now damp with sweat, and he could feel his heart pounding against his chest. Why he even bothered to sleep when he kept having the same nightmares was beyond him, but perhaps it was his way of trying to escape from this world. 

There came a knock at the door, causing him to convulse in sudden surprise. He had stashed himself away in one of the many dorms at NERV Headquarters since he couldn’t bear to bring himself to Misato’s apartment or  _ that room _ , and he hadn’t expected to be caught or found—he should have known better.

He clenched harder onto the pillow beneath his head, turning onto his side in hopes that whoever was on the other side of the door would leave him alone. He had not been given any condolences from anyone and absolutely did  _ not _ want to hear them now.

“Shinji, I know you aren’t in an adequate state of mind to speak with anyone, but there is something important that I must inform you about,” came the voice from behind the door. Shinji could not distinguish who the voice belonged to exactly, but he could tell it was definitely not Misato.

He refused to respond. It was probably Doctor Akagi, who was most likely trying to convince him to pilot the EVA once more. Maybe there was another Angel that needed destroying, and only he could do it. Or maybe the last Angel hadn’t actually died.

Shinji’s skin prickled at that last thought.

He briefly turned his head to look at the door, dazedly amazed that whoever it was hadn’t forced their way in yet. Another knock resounded.

“It’s Ritsuko. Shinji, please let me in,” There was a quieter mumble that the pilot could hear, but he couldn’t tell if that was Ritsuko’s doing or someone else. He hoped that the doctor had not brought Misato along—she was one of the last people he wanted to see.

Another minute or two went by in utter silence as Shinji decided he was going to sleep forever. The latter idea was impossible and he could care less if the world was about to end. There came no sound from outside the door for a solid five minutes, leaving Shinji to believe that Ritsuko had given up and left.  _ Good. _

“... the Fifth Child left a message for you, Shinji.” 

As if every nerve in his body had suddenly come alive, the former pilot practically threw himself up from the bed and stared hard into the door, his eyes wide and dilated. He opened his mouth to speak before he realized just how dry his mouth was and instinctively licked his chapped lips. 

“What—“ he paused to clear his throat, “what do you mean?”

The response was instantaneous. “We were tasked with… cleaning out his room, and we found a note written by him that contained important information—addressed to you and  _ only _ you.” 

Shinji’s heart wracked against his ribcage.  _ This can’t be real _ , he repeated feverishly to himself,  _ this is a trick. She’s lying. She’s trying to get me to open the door so she can get me out _ ,  _ but it won’t work. _

Another quiet mumble came from behind the door, and this time Shinji could hear Ritsuko softly conversing with—undoubtedly—someone else.

“Who else is with you?” his voice shook, as if he was afraid of what little authority he possessed in the current situation. As if he himself could end the world if he thought hard enough.

“Just open the door.”

Shinji merely glared at the door in the darkness, his fists clenching and unclenching as he did nothing but wonder what in the world could have been left for him by that boy.

“I don’t believe you,” he blurted out, his voice cracking. It was true; this could have been a trick and Shinji would be none the wiser. His trust died with the Seventeenth Angel—with  _ Kaworu _ , and it was something he thought could possibly never return. “... just go away.”

Another brief minute of silence passed by when suddenly, a slit opened up in the center of the door and a piece of paper slipped through, floating down to the ground. Shinji lunged unconsciously toward the note, shaking as he delicately brought it up to his face.

_ To Shinji, _

_ By the time you read this, I may already be dead or fused with Adam in order to proceed with the Human Instrumentality Project. There is something that I have failed to mention to anyone—a great deal of importance that I want to entrust to no one else but you.  _

_ SEELE has been aware of my imminent betrayal and have taken certain measures to ensure that their plan comes to fruition. They have begun a new project called the ‘Angel Chromosome-XX Project,’ a series of experiments that are the result of combining the DNA of Angels and Lilin together. _

_ These beings are stronger than the regular Angel; all a failsafe in case your father decides to betray SEELE. However, I have taken care of eliminating these hazards—all except for one.  _

_ SEELE has created one of these Neo Angels by mutating and genetically modifying my DNA, resulting in the Neo Angel known as ‘Tabris-XX.’ She was created specifically to be my replacement in case I were to fail in my mission, therefore taking my spot as the catalyst for the Human Instrumentality Project. _

_ As she is made from my DNA, she also possesses the same characteristics as me, albeit more powerful. Since I am also the Angel of Free Will, she is the second Angel to possess free will, allowing her to think for herself. She had decided that she did not want to fulfill SEELE’s plan, and so I took her with me when I left for NERV HQ.  _

_ Shinji… I am truly sorry if you hate me at this point of time, but I want to ask you to protect her. Rather, I plead that you protect her—for my sake and hers. You will find her at these coordinates: (a blank space, most likely written in invisible ink). She understands everything, so it is not necessary to explain everything to her. Her name is Tabuko.  _

_ I cannot predict what will happen, but if I cannot be there to stop SEELE... please Shinji, don’t let them hurt her. I beg of you. Please take good care of her for me.  _

Shinji found himself trembling as he absorbed every little detail inscribed into the piece of paper, his mouth silently reading the words aloud. He was about to let the note fall to the ground when he noticed something small written at the very bottom of the page:

_ I love you. _

_ ~ Kaworu _

The floodworks erupted through the guise of choked wails as Shinji slumped to the floor, clutching the note to his aching chest. He heard the door open amidst his sobbing, the intruding light worsening his blurring vision. He could hardly make out Ritsuko’s silhouette through the tears and promptly let his head rest on the floor, heaving as he struggled to breathe through his crying.

Shuffling could be heard coming from in front of the pilot, and he audibly gasped once he felt a small hand rest upon his head. Shinji slowly lifted his head up, his mouth gaping as he came face-to-face with a little girl who appeared to be about three to four years old.

She was dressed in one of Kaworu’s shirts, which carried the appearance of a dress due to how big it was on her.  _ Kaworu had not lied about anything in the note—why would he?—when he wrote that she had been made from his DNA _ , Shinji noticed as he took in her facial features. Clear, crimson eyes and long, silver hair that was tied into two ponytails at the back, and pale skin fit for an angel. This was Tabuko, his one and only connection to Kaworu.

Tabuko had been staring at him with an indiscernible gaze since he lifted his face to look at her, her mouth set into a thin line. She looked neither scared or nervous, but instead vaguely interested. Shinji remained silent as he began to wipe his tears with his shirt, feeling guilty as the toddler continued to stare at him.

A smile then etched itself across her face as she moved closer and sat on her knees, directly in front of the former pilot.

“Shinji-kun,” she said as she wrapped her arms around the boy, hugging him.

As he shook and held her close to him, he cried for guidance from the stars above. 


	2. lluvia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it rains over the valley  
as it does  
in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who... decided to write more... (big thanks to everyone who commented!!!)
> 
> anyway this takes place an unprecedented amount of time after the 1st chapter, might be directly stated i dont remember
> 
> tw: mentions of death

“Pa… I can’t sleep.”

Humidity peaked throughout the valley as summer rain continued to fall, lightly dousing the streets and dirt pathways with water. Orange rain boots sat drying near the doorway after having been exposed to the elements just a few minutes prior, along with a matching umbrella that had been propped up against the wall.

There was no electricity, but Shinji knew they could manage. After having escaped NERV Headquarters—albeit with the help of Ritsuko Akagi—anything seemed possible. As to why Doctor Akagi had helped them escape… he had no idea, even when she had told him that she did not want to end up like her mother. 

And so, they ran off somewhere—a place far away from Tokyo-3, a place far beyond his own knowledge, and far beyond the eyes of others. A small wooden house in a lush valley that had not been affected much by the Angels had become their new home. It still had provisions lying around enough to last a year or more, but Shinji knew very well that he would have to take to farming if they wanted to survive.

Tabuko stood at the doorway of Shinji’s room, clutching a white pillow and a quilted blanket that had been found when they first entered the house. Her eyes were glossy as if she had been crying, and she sniffled quietly as she waited for Shinji to awaken.

When he finally aroused from his slumber, Shinji slowly arose from underneath his covers and walked over to the toddler, humming sleepily as he picked her up and brought her back to his bed. He covered Tabuko in her quilted blanket and gently tucked her in alongside him, bringing her close to him so that her face pressed lightly against his chest. 

“... a nightmare?” Shinji murmured softly, comfortingly stroking the back of Tabuko’s hair as he pressed a reassuring kiss to her forehead. She gave a curt nod and pressed herself closer to Shinji, making him aware that she was trembling ever so slightly. 

“I…” she sniffed, “... dreamt that you went away, Pa…” Her voice was so quiet, so small—had she been invisible, the former pilot would’ve thought her to be the wind. “... away, like Papa…” She went silent again, muffling her hiccups within Shinji’s shirt.

Her entrusted guardian, now more heartbroken than tired, brought up his free hand to wipe away Tabuko’s tears. Shinji felt his own eyes begin to sting but he forced  _ those _ thoughts away, instead trying to center all of his focus on the weeping Angel in his arms. It was useless.

_ How would Tabuko feel if you told her the truth?  _ blared through his mind as the toddler continued to weep, and he twitched as he struggled to keep his thoughts to himself.  _ That  _ ** _you’re_ ** _ the reason he’s gone? That  _ ** _you _ ** _ were the one who  _ ** _deca—_ **

_ He asked me to kill him.  _ Shinji forced his eyes shut, a dull throb beginning to pulse through his head.  _ I only did as I was told—I’m still doing what I was told to do. _ Had Shinji ignored Kaworu’s final wish… then Tabuko might not have even lived to meet him. There would be no trace of anyone at all.

His heart felt like it was going to rupture, yet Shinji remained still in his attempt to soothe Tabuko’s post-nightmare depression.  _ Kaworu isn’t dead—he never truly died _ , he thought to himself as he opened his eyes, briefly making out the silver strands of Tabuko’s hair in the darkness.  _ As long as she lives… he’s with me, and as long as his final will remains fresh in my mind, he will never die. _

Shinji felt a tear escape from his eyes, rolling quickly down his face and over his nose.  _ And yet… my heart is still breaking _ . Tabuko had gotten quieter, the Angel no longer crying. She breathed softly, smoothly—she had calmed down.

Tabuko briefly pulled away from Shinji’s chest to speak clearly, her voice somewhat warbly but still comprehensible. “... I miss him,” she mumbled, resting her forehead on Shinji’s chest. Then, she looked up at him and asked, “do you miss him, too?”

Shinji couldn’t bring himself to return the toddler’s gaze, instead vouching for a definite, silent nod accompanied by a hum. Tabuko nodded along with him, as if she were confirming his response. She began to smile— _ recalling a memory, _ Shinji had to guess.

“Papa missed you a lot when you were away from him,” she began sweetly, fondly. She giggled, an action that caught Shinji so off-guard that he peered down at her, his eyes beginning to gloss over. Tabuko noticed that he was staring and took her chance. “Papa really loved you.”

And that was the final straw. Shinji could not resist the tears that had begun to stream down his face, could not resist remembering that lovely smile and those hauntingly beautiful eyes, could not resist the succulent voice that had told him the three words he had been begging to hear all his life.

Tabuko gently patted Shinji’s arm as he began to sob, her smile slightly diminished but still withstanding. The former pilot hiccuped and gasped as his mind overflowed with bittersweet memories—experiences that he could never relive.

As Shinji’s sobs began to die down into supple crying, Tabuko slowly took the hand that he was using to stroke her head into both of her hands, tenderly massaging his skin. He was staring at her with a quivering lip and reddened, puffy eyes, seemingly as if she could bring him down in one fell swoop if he remained unprepared.

“Did you love him?”

And unprepared he was, indeed. 

The words were spoken clearly, resounding like a clean melody throughout the darkened room as Shinji began to cry somewhat harder, this time mumbling incoherencies as he vigorously nodded his head.

“ _ Yes _ ,” he choked out, sniffling loudly in order to breathe properly. “ _ I loved him, Tabuko. I loved him so very much. _ ” Tabuko had successfully wiggled out from her quilted blanket so that she was able to return Shinji’s sudden embrace as he pulled her to him, sobbing and clutching onto her as if the world would shatter if he didn’t do it. 

“But—I never told him,” Shinji confessed as he gasped, “I never told him.”

Tabuko patted his back with both of her hands, comforting him. “That’s okay—he always knew.”

And through his cries, Shinji poured out his heart and soul in hopes that his lost love would find his way back to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will most likely post more chapters in the future! i currently have an idea in mind that will be much happier than these previous chapters hdjsjfjf

**Author's Note:**

> might make this into a multi-chaptered work if ppl want more! We Shall See


End file.
